Mean Gryffindors
by Appointment
Summary: Ginny Weasley enters the world of Hogwarts, and discovers that popularity is everything. Mean Girls & Harry Potter? Yes, yes it is.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Lol, okay. Humor fic time. I'm breaking away from this bloody angst train I've been riding. This is based off of Mean Girls, so I don't own that, OR Harry Potter. Obviously, this is going to be slightly AU & a little OOC. I don't know if anyone's done this (they probably have) but I feel clever about it. When I was writing this first chap, I just pretended that Ginny wasn't eleven years old. Let's just say all the characters are 15 or 16. Cool? Cool. Multi-chap fic time! Leave a review, please! :) **

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><p><span>Mean Gryffindors<span>

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><p>"There's your trunk, and here, have some money for the train."<p>

Arthur Weasley stood in front of his only daughter, placing a handful of Sickles onto the palm of her hand.

"You can ask one of your brothers where the food trolley is." said Molly. She placed a warm hand on Ginny's shoulder.

"Okay, ready?"

"It's alright, Mum. I'm not five."

Ginny looked around nervously as her mother began tearing up. She couldn't have any of the older kids thinking she was a baby! Not now!

"It's fine, Mum. Really!"

"Be careful." said Arthur, as Ginny began up the small set of stairs to the train. "We'll miss you!"

She boarded, and the Hogwarts Express was a completely different world. Students filled the corridors, greeting old friends. Fred and George stood at the end of the aisle, chatting with a boy that looked around their age.

"Hey, guys!" she called, though they merely gave her a single glance before looking at each other and walking off. Ginny sighed. Of course, her brothers would have their friends. She would just have to make her own!

She wandered down the corridor, looking for a place to sit. All the compartments seemed to be full, so she thought that maybe she should ask someone where she could sit. A rather stout boy came out of a compartment.

"Hi, I'm a new student here – Ginny Weasley. Are there any other compartments where I could sit? I can't seem to find one and –"

"Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass."

He lumbered past her, leaving her dumbfounded. A little pang of nervousness shot through her – was this what all the students were like here? She scampered down the corridor, finally discovering an empty compartment. She pulled the door open, getting ready to relax – that is, until she felt a hand pull her back from the shoulder.

"I don't think you want to sit in there," said a voice; it sounded like a girl. "I heard Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy sit in there."

Quickly enough, two rather pretentious looking teens pushed past her, though not paying attention – they seemed to be wrapped up around each other like two licentious eels. Ginny looked up, trying to see who had just saved her. It was a girl, only slightly taller than she was, very pale, blonde, and with large silver eyes, quite unfocused.

"Er – um – thanks," said Ginny, "Is it your first day here too?"

"Yes, but I've heard my fair share of gossip," she said, her voice serene, "Personally, it all seems quite true to me. My name is Luna, by the way, but you probably wanted to introduce yourself first."

Ginny was slightly taken aback, smiling nervously.

"I'm Ginny, Ginny Weasley."

Luna smiled and helped her along to a compartment, where a boy sat.

"This is Neville," said Luna, "He's almost too awkward to function."

"I'm Ginny." she said. Luna had been right; this Neville character was extremely introverted, mainly playing with his toad in a rather sheepish manner. Time flew by quickly (to Ginny's contentment) and they arrived at Hogwarts soon enough.

The castle was huge. Professor McGonagall led them into the Great Hall where all the students were sitting. The Headmaster, Dumbledore, was making a speech. Ginny didn't listen too much, even though she knew people were being sorted. Suddenly, it was her name that was called!

"Weasley, Ginny!"

She gulped, and walked over to the stool. Sitting down rather awkwardly, Professor McGonagall placed an old, dusty hat on her head.

"Another Weasley? Hmm, right then, right then… better be Gryffindor!" the hat shouted. What looked to be the Gryffindor table cheered loudly as she went to find her seat. Luna had been sorted into Ravenclaw, and Neville into Gryffindor as well.

Her first day was a massive blur – it seemed everything had gone wrong. The contents of her cauldron had exploded everywhere during her first Potions lesson, and in Charms, she had accidently turned her hair into a gaudy sort of blonde. The only good thing that had actually happened was meeting Luna and Neville.

"How's your first day been?" asked Luna during Transfiguration.

"It's alright, you?"

"Quite lovely, thanks."

Luna turned her piece of paper into the required sheet of metal with the flick of her wand. Ginny looked on miserably; she had not been able to Transfigure it completely yet. She had only managed to turn it silver. How did everyone become so good with magic when it was only the first day?

"Erm – Luna, Neville? Do you know where the Gryffindor common room is?" asked Ginny as they left the classroom.

"I've learned about it from my great aunt…" said Neville. "It's on the fourth floor, I think."

"We'll take you," said Luna, grabbing onto Ginny's arm. "Excuse me, we've got some new meat coming through."

They moved through the hallways, and onto one of those odd moving staircases. Ginny held out her timetable, which she and Neville both stared at.

"You're taking Arithmancy?"

"Yeah!"

"Er – why?"

"Well, 'cause it's the same everywhere."

"That's beautiful." said Luna, before letting Neville step in front of her and whisper the password to the common room.

They sat inside on one of the comfortable couches, in front of the fire. Luna wasn't supposed to be in there, but she wanted to know why Ginny hadn't learned any magic until now.

"Oh, well, my parents wanted me to learn just enough so that I wouldn't be a know-it-all and so I could meet new people at the same level as myself…" said Ginny, trying to word it in such a way that it would make sense. "You know, like, get socialized."

"Oh, you'll get socialized," said Luna, "Little slice like yourself."

"What? Slice?" asked Ginny, confused.

"Well, I'll assume by school standards, you're attractive."

"What?" she asked again, still confused. Attractive?

"I'd say that you've got to own it." said Luna.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello, another chapter in the same night! I have some serious inspiration for writing this story. This is obviously still OOC and AU, so don't expect that to change. Also, please imagine them in like fifth or sixth year or something! Because I can't imagine a humble second year Harry and first year Ginny in these corrupt situations. More characters we all love coming up soon! I'm trying my very best to meld Harry Potter and Mean Girls together while still maintaining the themes of both, so please leave a review & offer suggestions /concrit/ideas/compliments. :) **

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><p><span>Mean Gryffindors<span>

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><p>A few days later, while the sun was shining brightly, Luna, Neville and Ginny headed out to the Quidditch pitch for some fresh air. They sat in the stands, watching the teens in the year above hang out on the pitch, some zooming around on their brooms, some sitting on the grass, tossing a Quaffle about.<p>

Neville brought out his notepad, scribbling things down.

"How do you spell your name again, _Ghinny_?" he asked.

"It's _Ginny_. G-I-N-N-Y."

"You know, I like _Ghinny_ better."

Ginny laughed; Neville had begun to come out of his shell. She enjoyed spending time with Luna and Neville, and she had never expected to make friends so quickly.

"Merlin's beard, will you look at Harry Potter's broom?" said Neville, pointing out to the green of the pitch. Ginny looked around for something odd and out of place, but there was nothing. "Of course, the trio would just _have_ to come outside at the same time as us."

"Trio?" asked Ginny, still straining her eyes to see something that differentiated from everything else. "Who's in the trio? Who _is_ the trio?"

"They're Hogwarts royalty," said Luna simply. "If Hogwarts had its own _Witch Weekly_, they'd be on the cover of every issue."

"That one there? That's Ron Weasley," said Neville, pointing. "He's one of the dumbest people you'll ever meet."

"_Ron_?" exclaimed Ginny, a blatant look of disbelief. "_Ron Weasley_? That's my brother! Hogwarts _royalty_?"

"Yes, we'd made that connection earlier," said Luna, "I'd assumed you already knew of his social status, as well as his density."

"I've had tea with him, actually." said Neville. "He asked me which spoon was the sugar spoon."

Ginny shook her head; there was no way that Ronald Weasley, her brother, was one of the most popular people at Hogwarts.

"Do you see the shorter one? The girl with curly brown hair? That's Hermione Granger." said Luna. "She's quite rich, she's claims to be brightest witch of our age."

"She just knows everybody's business." said Neville. "She knows everything about everyone."

"She really just knows everything in general, Neville," said Luna blithely.

"That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets."

Ginny continued listening and watching, wondering how such simple looking people could be so powerful! The girl was not wholly attractive, and her brother? Well, he was _her brother_.

"And then… that's Harry Potter?" asked Ginny, pointing to the thin boy on his broomstick. He looked quite handsome, his dark hair brushed about so carelessly.

"Evil takes a human form in him," said Luna, "You shouldn't be fooled, though. He might seem like your typical _arrogant, scar-faced, vain ho-bag_, but in my opinion, he's much more than that. Though, I could be wrong."

Ginny widened her eyes – it seemed odd for Luna to be so hurtfully frank about someone!

"He's the star," said Neville, "Ron and Hermione are really just like two little house-elves."

"How do I even begin to explain Harry Potter?" said Pavarti Patil, a girl from Gryffindor house. She cut in quite unexpectedly, as she was sitting behind them.

"Harry Potter is flawless." said Padma, her twin from Ravenclaw.

"He's got two golden snitches, and a brand new Firebolt." whispered Cormac McLaggen.

"You know, I hear his glasses are insured for like, one-thousand Galleons." said Lavender Brown.

"He does book endorsements with Gilderoy Lockhart!" said Seamus Finnigan, "I saw 'em! At Flourish and Blotts."

"He's the Boy-Who-Lived!"

"His favourite book is _Quidditch through the Ages._"

"One time, he set a snake on me," said Justin Finch-Fletchley, a boy from Hufflepuff. "It was awesome."

Ginny looked around. Was Harry Potter _really_ the coolest kid at Hogwarts?

"He doesn't look like such a big deal. He's attractive and all, but I could take him!"

"Actually, Ginny, you're a bit skinny." said Luna.

"He always looks good. He always catches the golden snitch." said Neville.

"Who cares?" said Ginny, getting up to leave the smarmy crowd.

"I care! Every year, we've got this thing called the House Cup. He's usually the reason Gryffindor wins so many points."

When they got back to the main corridor of the castle, Luna pulled out a roll of parchment.

"Here, this is a map of Hogwarts. Daddy gave it to me just before I boarded the train," she said. "Now, he told me that where you sit in the Great Hall is crucial, because everybody's there."

"Aren't there just four house tables though?"

"Yes, but see here… you've got your jocks, preps, nerds, the desperate wannabes, sexually active Gobstones geeks… and the trio – at your table." said Luna. Ginny's head spun; this was a lot of information to take in at once. "I've got to go now. I'll see you two in Transfiguration."

And with that Luna was gone to the other side of the Great Hall with the rest of the Ravenclaws, and it seemed that Neville had already found a spot. He left a place open for Ginny to sit, where she promptly placed herself in front of lunch. She took a sip from her goblet of pumpkin juice, partaking in friendly conversation with other Gryffindors, before someone came up behind her.

"Hey, I'm Zacharias Smith, and this is Anthony Goldstein and Michael Corner. We're doing a survey of new students."

"Could you answer a few questions?" asked Anthony.

Ginny looked at Neville and Dean, who both merely shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Alright, so is your crumpet buttered?"

Zacharias sniggered.

"Uhm, what?" said Ginny, shaking her head. What on earth was a buttered crumpet?

"Would you like us to assign someone to butter your crumpet?" asked Anthony.

"Excuse me?" said Ginny, standing up. "What are you playing at?"

"Is he bothering you?" said an unfamiliar voice from down the table. "Anthony, why are you such a slimy git?"

Ginny looked down – it was Harry. _Harry Potter_ – defending her?

"Hey, I'm just being friendly to the newbies."

"You were supposed to owl me last night." said Hermione bitterly. Ron gave Anthony a malicious look.

"Anthony. You don't come down to the pitch holding hands with Hermione, and then play on this poor, innocent girl right in front of us three days later."

"She's not interested," said Ron tersely, though Ginny couldn't be sure if he was talking about her or Hermione.

"Do you wanna snog him?" asked Harry. Ginny looked around for a moment, before realizing _he_ was talking to _her_.

"Merlin, no!"

"Brilliant, so then it's settled. You can go Transfigure your face now."

"Bye, Anthony." said Hermione, her back turned to him.

Ginny heard Anthony curse under his breath, walking away with Zacharias and Michael, looking beat down. Quite unsure of what had just happened, she turned to sit back with Neville and Dean who were staring.

"Wait, sit down." said Ron. Ginny looked around – were they talking to her again? She shook her head again – why was she acting as if they were some crew of big _celebrities_? Why was everyone else acting that way? "Seriously. Sit down."

Ginny went to sit in the empty clearing across from the three of them. It seemed the entire Gryffindor table had shifted down a metre or so just to give them their own bubble of personal space.

"Why don't I know you?" asked Harry, looking at her very intently.

"Oh, I'm new. Just started here. I don't know much magic."

"What?"

"I just started here, I don't know much…?"

"Wait, what?" asked Harry once more. Was he joking around with her? Was he stupid?

"This is my first year here, and I –"

"No, no, no," said Harry, shaking his head. "I know what first year means. I'm not an idiot."

"Could have fooled me," muttered Ginny under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Alright," said Harry. "So, you actually haven't learned any magic?"

Ginny shook her head, brows furrowed. Was he actually not getting this?

"Shut up. Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything…" said Ginny, starting to become annoyed. This guy was a complete fool, how could Ron stand him?

"Born into a magical family, but no practice." said Harry. "That's really interesting."

"Thanks." said Ginny, looking over at Ron, eyebrows raised clandestinely. Ron, however, watched her as if he had never seen her before.

"You're really pretty." said Hermione, looking at Ginny's face. She felt a slight blush come over her.

"Thanks," she said, smiling. Hermione wasn't that bad, at least.

"But you agree."

"Er – what?"

"You think you're really pretty."

Ginny looked around.

"Oh, I don't really know." she said, laughing nervously. She hated being put on the spot, and so far, Ron hadn't given any sign that he had even the most remote clue of knowing her.

"Oh my Merlin, I love your headband." said Hermione, looking at Ginny's rather plain accessory. "Where'd you get it?"

"My mum made it for me, actually."

"It's adorable. Very hip."

Harry looked at Hermione scathingly.

"Hermione, what is '_hip'_?"

"Oh, it's like a slang, from America. I read it in a book once."

"Wait, so if you're a Pureblood witch, then why don't you know any magic?" asked Ron, interjecting. Ginny looked at him disbelievingly – he was pretending he didn't know her, much less that they were in fact siblings.

"Dear Lord, Ron, you can't just ask people why they don't know any magic." whispered Hermione, shaking her head lightly.

The two started bickering loudly, and Harry pushed them aside slightly.

"Could you give us some privacy for a second or two?"

"Yeah, sure," said Ginny sceptically, turning around. Neville looked at her eyebrows raised. Luna, however, was quite engrossed with the pudding in front of her at the Ravenclaw table.

"Okay, well, you should know that we don't do this a lot." said Harry. "So this is a really huge deal."

"We want to invite you to spend your meals with us every day for the rest of the week." said Ron.

"Oh, actually, I have –"

"Brilliant." said Harry. "We'll see you later tonight."

"By the way," said Hermione, "On Wednesdays, we wear pink undershirts."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi! I apologize for the while it took to update. Real life has its demands every once and a while.. :) Anyways, enjoy!  
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><p>"You have to do it, okay?"<p>

Neville, Ginny, and Luna stood in the abandoned girls' washroom – their new secret hangout – sharing the news. The sun was setting, and it was just about time to go back to their common rooms.

"Then you tell us all the things that they say." said Luna.

"Harry seems like an okay kind of guy though," said Ginny, feeling slightly sheepish, "Aside from the fact that he's a blithering dolt."

"To me, he's a bit of a lousy tart," said Luna buoyantly, looking out the window, "But everybody's different."

"He's evil," said Neville.

Suddenly, they heard a splash from the fifth stall down, and a pale blue figure, quite translucent, came soaring.

"Hey, get out of here! This is the _girls'_ _washroom_." said Myrtle, looking her usual morose.

Neville waved her off, and turned back to Ginny and Luna.

"Why do you hate him? Harry, I mean." asked Ginny.

"He started this rumor that –"

"Neville, I'd rather we didn't go into it," said Luna firmly, though still looking quite at peace. "This isn't about dislike, rather it's more of a fun little experiment if you were to hang out with them and tell us what they say. I do like experiments."

"What would I even talk about with them?"

"Quidditch," said Neville. "Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Gilderoy Lockhart."

Ginny sighed.

"Okay, fine. Do you have anything pink?"

"No," said Luna.

"Yes." said Neville in a small voice.

It was around the middle half of the morning, and Ginny wanted nothing more than to escape from the odd drama of school. She had Arithmancy, to her great pleasure. It made sense, it was fun, easy, no distractions whatsoever – "Could I borrow your ink well for a moment?"

She looked up, to find Draco Malfoy looking at her straight on, though without his usual demeanour of frostiness.

"Miss Weasley, do you have an answer?"

She felt her face grow hot – his good looks were now more apparent from her close point of view. With his sleek blonde hair and eyes of silver he was just so…

"_Perfect_."

The word passed her lips before she had the slightest chance to stop it, and quite promptly, her face turned the same shade as her hair. She then realized that everyone in the room was staring straight at her. Professor Vector tapped her wand on the chalkboard.

"Er – uh – four?"

Ginny wasn't exactly sure what question had been proposed, but Professor Vector wrote it on the board anyways. She looked around nervously, thoroughly embarrassed. By the time lunch came around, she rushed out of the classroom before anybody could snicker at her.

Having lunch with The Trio was like leaving the actual world, and entering another – the world of what seemed to be superstardom. And of course, such superstardom included rules – a lot of rules.

"You can't wear your sweater vest two days in a row, and you can only wear a ponytail once a week," said Hermione, sipping from her cup of tea, "So I guess you chose today."

"Oh, and we only wear badges or brightly coloured socks on Fridays." said Ron.

"If you break any of these rules, you can't sit with us," said Harry, watching Ginny closely, "I mean, not just you. Any of us."

"If I was wearing red socks today, I'd be sitting over there with the Gobstones freaks," said Ron, furtively pointing over towards a couple of Gryffindors down the table, who were less than squalid looking. "It's a big deal."

"We also take a fair vote before we ask someone to sit with us, too, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group." said Hermione. Ginny nodded, as if she were taking this all in very carefully. "Well, really. You wouldn't buy a set of dress robes without asking someone if it looks good on you."

"I wouldn't?"

"Right. Anyways, I've got Quidditch practice. I'll meet you guys later." And with that, Harry was away, school robes sweeping the floor behind him.

"So, making any friends yet? Any boys?" asked Hermione. Ron began picking at his food in an annoyed manner as soon as Hermione proposed this idea, and Ginny smiled; Ron was finally working up to the fact that they _were_ actually related.

"Yeah, and there's this guy in my Arithmancy class…"

"Who is it? Is he in your year?"

"His name is Draco – Draco Malfoy."

"_No_!" said Hermione, almost instantly. She shook her head fervently, as if it was completely absurd. "Oh, no, you can't like _Draco Malfoy_, that's Harry's ex-boyfriend. They went out for a year."

"I thought he dumped him for Cho Chang?" asked Ron.

"Regardless, Ron. Past relationships are just off-limits to friends. It's the _rules_."

"The rules of what?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell Harry," said Hermione, ignoring Ron with ease, "It'll be our little secret."

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><p>The next morning, Ginny woke up on a rather bad note, having been thwarted the other day on her attempt to chat up Draco Malfoy by Ernie Macmillan, about joining the Arithmancy Club.<p>

Despite the fact that it was Christmas holidays, she continued in her mood. She trudged down the steps and out into the courtyard, students swarming around while Professor McGonagall attempted to keep rule.

"Hey, loser," said a voice from behind her, "C'mon. We're going now."

"_Loser?_" she repeated indignantly.

She turned around snappishly, only to let Harry's face line up with hers.

"That's what you are, right?"

Ginny looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed. She opened her mouth to say something – presumably rude and filthy – but Hermione caught wind of it beforehand, and grabbed her by the shoulders, walking her in line with all the other students. She sat silently as the Trio started up on their long-winded, airheaded chat, attempting to tune them out, but to no avail. The word 'broomstick' was close to imprinted in her mind by the time they actually got to the train station.

She moved to go to a different compartment, but Ron grabbed her arm.

"We're going to Hermione's for holidays this year."

"Why aren't we going home? To our house? You can't keep pretending we aren't related, you prat! I'm going to tell everyone."

Ron paused for a moment, before he raised his eyebrows in a cool fashion.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ron!"

"So, Ginny, how do you like Hogwarts?" asked Hermione, cutting in. Ginny paused before speaking, surprised that she was being addressed properly.

"Uh, it's good," she said, "I'm thinking of joining the Arithmancy club."

"No! No, no."

"No, no. You can't."

"You _cannot_ do that, that's social suicide." said Harry, "Damn, you are so lucky to have us to guide you."

"Oh, Merlin, there's Anthony," said Hermione, ducking her head slightly. "I can't let him see me."

"Where?" said Ron, looking around. "Oh, there he is."

"And he's with Lavender Brown."

"I heard they're going out, actually." said Ginny.

"He's not going out with Lavender, no. He can't do that. Ron, get me an owl."

"You're not going to send it to him, are you?" asked Hermione meekly.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" said Harry, rather hotly.

Both Ron and Hermione muttered a quiet little no, Ginny sighed loudly. Harry pulled from his pocket a small roll of leftover parchment from his homework, and a Self-Inking Quill. What he wrote was barely decipherable from what speed he wrote it. He tied it to Errol's leg.

"To the Brown house, please."

"What did you write?"

"Let's just say that she isn't going out with anyone by the time her mother gets that owl."

"That was so hip, Harry."

"I know, right?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, so I want to thank EVERYONE for all the alerts, favorites and reviews. You are all brilliant people! So, this is slightly more OOC as it goes! Neville is coming out of his shell though! :D**

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><p>Ginny was shocked that Muggles could build such large homes without magic. The three of them arrived at the Granger's home, which was a large, rather stately manor, just past Wolverhampton.<p>

"Your house is really nice, Hermione."

"I know, right?" she said, hanging her coat up.

"Watch out for her mum's chest, hard as rocks." whispered Ron. Ginny looked over at him with a weird expression, but he seemed to be series.

"I'm home!" called Hermione, her voice almost echoing through the foyer.

"Hey, hey, hey! How are my best friends?"

Ginny turned, to see who she assumed to be Hermione's mother – though she looked nothing like a mother. She was dressed in a bright pink gaudy Muggle sweat suit; unnatural blonde hair curled up every which-way.

"Hey, Mrs. Granger. This is Ginny." said Harry.

"Hello, sweetheart. Welcome to our home." she said, reaching out to pinch Ginny's cheeks. "Just want you to know, if you need anything, don't be shy, okay? There are no rules in this house! I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. Right, Hermione?"

"Mother, please stop talking." said Hermione, looking embarrassed.

"Fine, fine, I'm gonna make you guys a holiday treat!"

With that, Hermione's mother sauntered into the other room, and Hermione led the way upstairs. She opened tall, white door, to reveal an incredibly large bedroom, almost the size of a classroom.

"This is _your_ room?" asked Ginny incredulously.

"It was my parents' room, but I made them trade me."

"This is bloody huge!"

"Put on some music."

Ron put on an unfamiliar, loud song.

"Ginny, do you even know who sings this?" asked Harry.

"The Weird Sisters?"

"I love her," said Hermione, "She's like a centaur or something."

She stopped in front of the mirror, and stared into it.

"Lord, my hair is a mess!"

"Oh, please. Look at these freckles," said Ron.

"At least you guys look good in dress robes," said Harry. "I'm so skinny."

Ginny watched them complain for a minute or so, wondering when so many variations on _fat_ and _skinny_ had appeared, before she noticed that they had stopped and were now looking at her.

"Um, I have really bad breath in the morning?"

"Ew." they said together.

There was a bit of an awkward silence as they looked at his disapprovingly, until Hermione's mother came in with a tray, doing a sort of dance.

"Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!" she said, handing them tall drinks.

"Is there alcohol in this?" asked Ginny, sniffing the top of the glass.

"Oh, God, honey, no. What kind of mother do you think I am?" she said, looking very stern for a moment. "But would you like some? If you're going to drink, I'd rather you do it in the house."

"Oh, uh, no, thank you!"

"So, guys, what is the hot gossip? Tell me everything. What are you guys listening to? What's the cool jams?"

"Mom. Could you go fix your hair?"

"Okay. You kids keep me young. Oh, I love you so much." she said, blowing a kiss before exiting the room. Hermione sighed, red in the face. Ginny got up, and to avoid any more chat, began perusing the large bookcase attached to the wall. She pulled out a large, pink, leather-bound book with words scrawled on the front.

"Oh my God, I remember this!" said Ron, snatching it away from Ginny's hands.

"I haven't looked at that in forever," said Hermione. "Come check it out, Ginny."

"It's our Burn Book. See, we take people's photos from the yearbook, and we write _comments_." said Harry.

They flipped through it.

_Angelina Johnson is a grotsky little byotch._

"True."

_Vincent Crabbe is a fat virgin. _

"Still half true."

_Cedric Diggory made out with a Chocolate Frog._

_Luna Lovegood, slut. _

Ginny stared at the page, mouth agape. Luna? Would she be written in this book?

"Fitting surname," sniggered Ron.

"Who is that?" asked Hermione.

"That kid Neville."

"He's almost too awkward to function," said Ginny unthinkingly.

"That's funny. Write that down."

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><p>"They have this Burn Book, where they write mean things about everyone at Hogwarts."<p>

"What does it say about me?" asked Luna.

"You're not in it." said Ginny quickly.

"Those bitches."

Ginny looked at Luna, shocked by her rather outlandish choice of words.

"It's an off day," said Neville.

"I think you should steal the book, personally,"

"No way!"

"I have to agree with Luna," said Neville sheepishly, "I mean, we could publish it, and then everyone would see them for who they are."

"My daddy always told me that there are two kinds of evil people. People who do evil things, and people who see evil things being done and don't try to stop it."

"I can't spy on them anymore though. It's weird."

"It'll be like our little secret. She'll never find out."

* * *

><p>The next day, Ginny found herself alone in the Quidditch locker rooms after tryouts. Feeling satisfied with her skills, she awarded herself to a long, drawn-out shower. When she had finished and turned off the taps, she heard movement outside of the stalls.<p>

"Hello?" she called.

"I know your secret."

"Shit!" Ginny muttered under her breath, sufficiently caught off guard by Harry's stealth. She calmed slightly before replying.

"Secret? What are you saying about?"

"Oh, well, Ron told me you like Draco Malfoy. I mean, I don't care, do whatever you want. But let me just tell you something about Draco," said Harry from behind the door. She could see him raising his nose in the air in her head. "All he cares about is school, his mom, and his friends."

"Is that bad?"

"But if you like him, whatever. I mean, I could talk to him for you if you want."

"Really? You would do that?" squealed Ginny, sounding a little too excited. She calmed again before answering. "I mean, nothing embarrassing though, right?"

"Oh, no, trust me. I know exactly how to play it. Easier than catching the snitch," he said. "But wait. Aren't you so mad at Ron for telling me?"

"Oh, no."

"Because if you are, you can tell me. It was a really bitchy thing for him to do."

"Yeah it was pretty – er – bitchy, but I'm not mad… I guess he just likes the attention."

"See, Ron? I told you she's not mad at you!"

Ginny froze for a second.

"I can't believe you think I like attention!" said Ron angrily from behind the door. She heard his footsteps carry away until they were no longer audible.

"Okay, well, love you! I'll see you later."

Ginny relaxed as soon as she was sure that she was alone yet again. She breathed deeply – with Harry's blessing, it was her chance to go at Malfoy.

* * *

><p>On January 23rd, he asked her what day it was.<p>

"Oh, it's January 23rd."

To her pleasure, two weeks later, they spoke again.

"It's raining."

"Yeah!"

But Ginny was far from satisfied, she knew how to play this.

"I'm completely lost… can you help me?"

"Yeah, sure. Six is the most magically powerful number, and you can take every dividend of that and use it to your advantage as well."

He was wrong.

"Is that the solution?"

"Yeah, it's the same thing."

Wrong again.

"Thanks, I get it now." said Ginny, smiling and flipping her hair.

"Hey, my friend Theo is having a scary costume party tonight. Wanna come?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great. It's on the seventh floor and stuff. Here's a flier. It's supposed to admit one person only… so don't bring some other guy with you."

"Er – grool."

"Grool?"

Ginny comprehended her mistake, having had it said back to her by one of the most attractive guys at Hogwarts.

"I meant to say _cool_ and then I started to say _great_."

"Right, well... grool. See you tonight."

Ginny grabbed her stuff as Professor Vector let the class go for break.

"Hey, Weasley," called Ernie. "You staying for the meeting?"

"Yeah! I'll be right back," said Ginny, halfway through the door, though she had no intention of returning. She hurried to the Gryffindor dormitories.

"What do I wear? What do I wear?"

"Well, if you're a girl, generally you dress like some kind of scarlet woman. If you're a guy, you dress to your advantage." said Neville.

"Advantage?"

"You know, like, your looks. Make yourself look attractive and stuff."

"I am not a _scarlet woman_."

"Your hair is scarlet and you are a woman, though," said Luna. "Most of the girls in our year wear underwear sets and animal fixtures, though."

* * *

><p>The Room of Requirement was easy enough to find. Regular conversation, however, was not. By the time Ginny had arrived, it seemed that 80 percent of the kids there were already sloshed beyond belief.<p>

She maneuvered through the swaying crowd, until she found a scantily-clad Hermione and an overbearing Ron.

"What are you?" asked Ginny.

"I'm a king, duh." said Ron, holding his glass high in the air.

Ginny snatched it from him, and took a swig. A bitter fluid burnt trails down her throat – Ogden's Firewhiskey.

"Why are you dressed so scary?" asked Hermione.

"Isn't this supposed to be a scary costume party?" said Ginny, tilting her head to figure out what Hermione was. Brightly coloured feathers seemed to be attached to her barely-covered behind. "Are you a peacock?"

"Duh," she said, "Have you seen Anthony?"

"You know who's looking fine tonight? Pansy Parkinson."

"Okay, you did not just say that."

"What? She's a good kisser."

"Isn't she like, your cousin?"

"Yeah, maybe. She's like my fifth cousin. See, you have your cousins, your first cousins, then you have your second cousins…"

"No, Ron."

"That's not right is it?"

"You know, I'm actually gonna get going…" said Ginny.

She wandered away from the conversation, Ron's glass – now empty – still in her hand.

"Hey!" called Draco, over the crowd.

"Hey."

"You made it! I guess the Room of Requirement isn't all that hard to find, after all." he said. "And you are… a vampire?"

"Spot on!" said Ginny.

"Clever. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Yeah, sure."

Draco smiled as she handed him the cup, and disappeared within the raucous crowd.

"Oh my Merlin, Ron, stop it. Don't do it."

"Hey, Pansy!"

Ginny returned to Hermione, though her eyes were across the room, and on a certain Harry Potter talking to a certain Draco Malfoy.

"Oh, no. Didn't anybody tell you? You were supposed to wear a costume, Potter."

"Shut up. I need to talk to you," said Harry, tugging on the collar of his shirt. "You know that Ginny girl?"

"Yeah, she's cool. I invited her tonight."

"Well, be careful, because she has a huge crush on you."

"How do you know?"

"Because she told me. She tells everybody. It's kind of cute, actually. She's like a little girl. She wrote all over her Potions text, 'Mrs. Draco Malfoy'." said Harry slyly, "And she sewed 'I heart Draco' into the inside of her robes."

"Oh, come on."

"Well, who can blame her? I mean, you're gorgeous. And okay, look, I'm not saying she's a stalker, but she saved this old quill you had used, and she said she's gonna use this hex and make you like her."

"Excuse me?"

Ginny watched the other side of the room hopefully – _this was it! Harry had promised, and here he was._

"I know she's kind of socially slow and weird, but she's my friend, so just promise me you won't make fun of her."

"Of course I'm not gonna make fun of her."

_How could anyone hate Harry? He was such a good… slut!_

She stared over in disbelief as Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were connected at the lips. It was completely absurd, yet it was happening. She felt dumb to have ever trusted Harry; she bit down on her lip to stop herself from screaming as she rushed from the room.

"What are you doing? You broke up with me." said Draco, pulling away.

"That's just crazy, why would I break up with you? You're _so_ hot."

* * *

><p>"I hate Harry. I hate him!"<p>

"What? What's going on?" asked Neville.

"He took him back. Harry took Draco back."

"Oh, no, Ginny," said Neville, pulling her into a hug.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a life-ruiner," said Luna, "He tends to ruin people's lives."

"I mean, when we were in second year, he made everyone sign this form saying that Luna was…"

"Neville, please," said Luna, "Don't worry Ginny, she won't get away with this again. We're going to do something."

"We are?" asked Neville.

"Harry Potter is an evil dictator. How do you overthrow a dictator?"

"I don't know, I don't pay attention in History of Magic."

"You cut off his resources. He would be nothing without his high-status man candy, his athletic, good physique, and ignorant band of loyal followers."

Ginny nodded.

"If this is going to work, you have to hang out with them and pretend nothing is wrong… I think you can do it, Ginny." said Luna, grabbing her hand. "Can you do it?"

"I can do it."

"Alright, let's rock this bitch!" said Neville.


	5. Chapter 5

**authors note.**

**OMGZ am i actually updating this?! yes?! this was my favorite ff so like yeah i wanted to update it once i got the motivation. at this point along I AM NO LONGER CONCERNED WITH SMALL DETAILS IN HARRY POTTER CONTINUITY. i.e. dean being muggleborn. no this does not mean i am going to go gallivanting about changing the story as i please. im just having fun ok. review please and lots of love!**

* * *

><p>Pretending that nothing was wrong had turned out to be ridiculously easy for Ginny.<p>

"Look, Harry wanted me to tell you that he was trying to hook you up with Aaron, but he was just all interested in getting Harry back. And that wasn't Harry's fault." said Hermione, gesturing with her hands.

"No, I know." replied Ginny nonchalantly.

"Okay, so you're not mad at him?"

"Merlin, no!" said Ginny with a laugh. Hermione smiled.

"Oh, okay, good. Because Harry wanted me to give you this." said Hermione, wrapping her up in a tight hug. Ginny patted her on the back, before letting go and continuing out into the courtyard. Harry, Draco and Ron all sat on the grass by the tall tree.

"It's called the Durmstrang Fat Flush, and all you drink is pumpkin juice for 72 hours." said Harry, holding out his bottle of juice. Ginny observed the two of them. _What a blithering idiot_, she thought, listening to Harry ramble on.

"This isn't even pumpkin juice," said Draco, snatching up the bottle. "It's pumpkin juice cocktail. It's all sugar."

"I really wanna lose 10 pounds."

"You're crazy."

Harry noticed Ginny eying them, and coyly changed his tactics. He turned to Draco and ogled him observably.

"Why do you wear your hair like that?" he said, referring to its usual slick, "Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Ginny, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?"

Ginny widened her eyes at his forwardness. Harry was dangling Draco in front of her on purpose.

"Uh – your hair looks sexy pushed back." she muttered to Draco.

She wanted to reach out and hit him! However, she knew all of the fighting had to be sneaky.

* * *

><p>Later that day, she found Harry in the common room, gazing into a mirror.<p>

"All this pumpkin juice is making me break out," he said to her, not turning away from his reflection, which he was carefully examining.

A light flickered in Ginny's brain, suddenly.

"Wait here! I have this really good skin stuff I'll bring you. I got it in Hogsmeade." she said, smirking as she turned to go up the stairs. She ran up and into the boys dormitory, where she found Neville on his bed.

"Quick! Do you have any paint or glue?"

"What, are you doing arts and crafts or something?"

"No, I need to give Harry some 'great skin cream' or whatever." she said urgently.

"No, but I have my grandmum's foot cream. I packed it in my bag by accident." he replied, grabbing it from out under the bed and tossing it to her.

Ginny laughed and muttered a thanks before she came back down the stairs to give the plain bottle to Harry.

"Hey, here you go."

"Thank you." he said, applying it all over his face. "Come on, let's go down to the Great Hall."

Ginny obliged, and they found Draco along the way. When Draco made an odd face, she began to laugh inwardly.

"Your face smells like… peppermint."

Ginny's smirk faded into a muted shock as Harry and Draco began to snog madly right in front of her.

* * *

><p>"We're not getting anywhere, you know," said Luna, who still had her nose in a book.<p>

"I'm sorry; I've been really busy with Potions. Snape hates me…" said Neville, looking sadly at the passageway down to Professor Snape's classroom.

"We should try another tactic!" suggested Ginny.

"Perhaps… cracking Hermione Granger. A bit like an egg." said Luna, the idea coming upon her.

Ginny began to nod in understanding. "We crack Hermione… we crack the lock on Harry's whole dirty history!"

"Say 'crack' again," said Neville, snorting.

"Crack," said Luna serenely. "We should reconvene tonight after dinner."

"I can't," said Ginny. "I need to work on the Divination project with Harry, Ron and Hermione. We're doing this thing with leaves…"

"Loose tea leaves." they said simultaneously.

"You guys know how to do that stuff?"

"Everybody in the wizarding world knows how to do that stuff."

"They do it almost every class!"

"Well, I have to learn it." said Ginny, right before she noticed Harry turning around the hallway. "Go, go!"

Luna and Neville disappeared behind her, and Ginny pretended to look around absentmindedly. When Harry got close, Ginny said a simple greeting, which Harry disregarded.

"What were you doing talking to Luna Lovegood?"

"I don't know, I mean, she's so weird." said Ginny, scrambling for an excuse. "She just, uh, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about… _crack_."

Harry chuckled. "She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Luna Lovegood. Okay, so we were best friends in first year."

Ginny was incredulous – _really_? _Luna and Harry? _Harry seemed to take note of her expression.

"Yeah, I know, right? It's so embarrassing, I don't even… whatever. So then, in second year, I started going out with my first girlfriend, Fleur, who was totally gorgeous, but then she moved back to France. And Luna was, like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Fleur, she'd be all like, 'why didn't you owl me back?', and I'd be all like, 'why are you so obsessed with me?'. So then, for my birthday party, which was a pool party, I was like, 'Luna, I can't invite you because I think you're a stalker.'. I mean, I couldn't have some weirdo stalker creep at my party. There are gonna be people in their bathing suits, I mean, right? She was a freak! So then her dad met with Dumbledore and they started yelling at each other, and it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and when she came back in the fall for high school, she had those weird Spectrespecs and now I guess she's on crack."

Even Ginny found herself needing to take a breath after that. It had seemed impossible to find Harry any more vapid, but as her mum would say, everything's possible. Just then, Dean Thomas walked by with a jazzy looking broom.

"Oh, my God!" exclaimed Harry. "I love your broom. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, uh," Dean stuttered, "It was my mom's in the 80's."

"Vintage. So cool." said Harry, as Dean smiled and walked away. As soon as he was out of earshot, Harry's shoulders drooped.

"That is the ugliest f-ing broom I have ever seen."

Ginny's mind wandered back to when Hermione had paid a similar compliment to her headband early in the school semester. Her face grew hot.

"So, uh…" said Ginny, looking around for inspiration for chatter. She turned to see the flowergram desk. Flowergrams were something that the Herbology class came up with as a student leadership initiative. "Are you going to send any flowers?"

"No," said Harry flatly, "I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch." said Harry, turning away to walk to his next class.

_Oh_, thought Ginny, _I am definitely sending him one_. She had an idea cooking as she turned to the desk.

"Three, please," she said to Professor Sprout, handing her a few Galleons.


End file.
